Stephanie Durães moved to Portugal from the US in 1986, long before most other people were thinking about Portugal as a place to live. In this interview, she discusses what Portugal was like then, how she learned the Portuguese language, and also set up two successful businesses.
James: Firstly, how did you end up in Portugal in 1986?
Stephanie: I grew up mostly in San Antonio, TX where, once I was an adult, I moved out on my own and lived single for 5 years. I met my husband, a Portuguese air force officer, in SA due to the fact that he was in the US after graduating from the Portuguese AF Academy and had the opportunity to receive his pilot training in the US.
I asked him to dance and he asked me to marry him after eight lunches and eight dinners together. We married on May 24th and moved to Portugal on November 6th, 1986.
James: Portugal has changed considerably since then. What are some key differences between the Portugal of the 80s and Portugal of now?
Stephanie: Portugal of the 80’s could be compared with the US in the 50’s. I would explain my life to my mother and she would say things like “that’s what it was like when I got married and started my life with your father”. My mother was married in late 1952.
There were two television stations and both were government controlled. The emission ended at midnight with an image of the Portuguese flag and national anthem playing. I had been watching television by cable with movie channels, MTV, etc. for years in the US.
Telephones here were black or green with a dial and it took six months to get one installed in our apartment that took more than a year to purchase.
Shopping for groceries was in small grocers and with very little variety for things like cereal, frozen foods, canned goods. Fruit and vegetables weren’t “pretty” and mostly were Portuguese produce. I was thrilled when I finally had found grapefruit!
I was one of the first customers of the very first “Continente Hipermercados” and now they are everywhere as well as other major supermarket chains. For many years there were no fast food chains and the firsts were Pizza Hut and McDonalds.
The makes and models of cars were very limited. If you needed to finance a car, more than 50% down payment was required and the remainder had to be paid in no longer than two years. I had never driven a manual transmission vehicle so I didn’t drive for the first seven years in Portugal. I learned and began driving just before we bought our second car.
Clothing and shoes for me were a real challenge since I am 1,78cm tall and most women were quite short back then. Rarely did you see anyone in bright colours or even women in shorts!
Everyone dressed quite conservatively and formally on a daily basis. Casual wear such as sports clothes, tennis shoes, etc. were not worn regularly by adults in public.
Portuguese was the only language spoken in public and most people had learned some French in school but it was RARE to find someone who spoke english. Most if not all of the foreign population lived in Algarve.
Life was much simpler and families spent more time together socially in outdoor public venues close to home or even in the heart of the cities. We lived on the 16th floor of a building in the suburbs of Loures with no outdoor space near the building for my children to play so we made snacks, gathered bikes/trikes and often drove into Lisbon to Belém or Alvito Park to spend the afternoon outdoors.
Most families spent their annual vacations in Portugal at the beaches and camping grounds. Travel wasn’t common for economic reasons.
Divorce wasn’t common and living together wasn’t either.
Drug abuse and consumption was visible in Lisbon. Clandestine improvised housing slums were also an eyesore. Cities were dirtier. People had a horrible habit of spitting in public as well as urinating due to lack of public facilities and the cafe’s charged people who weren’t customers to use their restrooms.
The African population then was quite humble and very respectful due to the fact that they were relatively new to Portugal and had probably grown up in times of colonisation.
The Indian population where merchants, most in furniture and furnishings, and were quite affluent.
The Chinese population was limited and mostly in food service.
James: And what do you think hasn’t changed and will probably always be the same?
Stephanie: Portuguese people are very hospitable and welcome everyone. They adapt to others to such a degree that it has come at a cost of diminished charm and genuine culture.
Football and politics are given too much importance.
Aggressive driving, which could be attributed to the fact that Portuguese people are always running late to anywhere.
Quality wines and excellent olive oil.
Meeting for a coffee that takes 10 seconds to drink but ends hours later after long conversations.
When you ask a portuguese person if things are going well, their response is generally “more or less” or “moving forward” but rarely “great” or “fantastic”.
Portugal is a fabulous place to spend vacation time especially if spent off the beaten paths.
James: What were some of the most challenging aspects of settling into Portugal?
Stephanie: I never lived near or knew any expats so I was completely immersed in the language with zero previous knowledge. Since my husband was a military officer/pilot, I spent a great deal of time alone and subsequently caring for my children on my own.
Learning the language was fundamental for me and I took it seriously. We spoke Portuguese pretty much exclusively in our home for 18 years. We began to speak English amongst ourselves in 2003 when we were sent to the US on a NATO mission and lived in Virginia for three years.
Communicating with my family in the US was almost non-existente except for handwritten correspondence.
Adjusting my mindset to a foreign currency which was the “escudo” at the time was difficult. I had no point of reference what was expensive or cheap in the currency and spent time converting a lot.
I am a picky eater so Portuguese cuisine was concerning for me. I found that what often was considered tasty and edible in Portugal were things that went in the trash in the US.
I spent the first seven years of my life in Anchorage, Alaska so I had eaten so much fish in those years that I didn’t care for it anymore when we moved to Texas. It is quite complicated to live in Portugal and not like to eat fish!
James: In recent years, Portugal has become a very popular destination for American expats. What advice would you give other Americans considering making it their home?
Stephanie: If the motivation to move is driven by the desire to leave the US behind, it is important to keep at the front of their mind that most of what they were used to in the US is NOT going to be found here or done here in the same fashion.
What makes sense or is logical as an American is not in Portugal.
What you give up, you gain in quality of life and relief of stress/conflict.
If you are coming with children, take advantage of the opportunity to return to strong family values based in a simplified life because it can be found here.
Learn the language to some extent before you come. Read about the culture, customs, history if you wish to understand the people better.
Embrace new things in place of those you miss the most and find other favourites that are exclusive to Portugal.
The public health system has excellent professionals, services and care but not necessarily at the speed you would like. I can speak from personal experience in more than one life threatening circumstance recently for myself and my children.
James: What made you settle in Sesimbra?
Stephanie: We lived in a suburb just north of Lisbon for six years in a high-rise building and spent our summer weekends in traffic to cross the only bridge there was to get to the beaches in Sesimbra and surrounding areas. My husband was stationed at an air force base in Montijo which was also on the other side of the bridge.
We made the decision to look for a single family home closer to his job and where it would be affordable to consider something other than an apartment. I wanted my children to continue to grow up with playing outside, walking to and from school, having a pet or pets, etc.
I grew up with these things and so did my husband, in Mozambique from the age of seven to 14. We wanted outdoor space and a better quality of life.
James: You learned spoken Portuguese to a good level within six months whereas many struggle for years. Why do you think you picked it up faster?
Stephanie: I was completely immersed with my husband’s family around me and his absence for quite some time. I didn’t have any other option but to communicate. That meant drawing pictures, using a pocket dictionary, watching TV for hours alone, shopping by myself, etc.
After my daughter was born, nine months after I arrived, I had to care for her a lot on my own. She went everywhere with me and that included the paediatrician!
We were living in our apartment by then and it took six months for a phone to be installed so I often couldn’t even call my husband and we had no family to lean on.
James: What made you start teaching English as a foreign language?
Stephanie: Living on a single salary in 1993 was possible but I knew if we were to get ahead I needed to contribute to the home economics so I enrolled in a teacher training course in Lisbon and got my teaching certificate as top of my class.
In light of this, I was offered a teaching position by the school and began teaching navy personnel on a naval base on the south side of the river. It was a very well paid position and I excelled at the job.
I became pregnant with my second child while teaching during the first school year and then took my maternity leave of 90 days in September of 1994. The navy school period began during my leave so when I was ready to return my employer offered me a position within a car rental company based at the airport but I did the math and it wasn’t feasible if I wanted my children to be well cared for so I resigned and took my place as a stay-at-home mother until 2010 when I decided to open a franchised english school which lasted until 20 15 after which I went independent with the school I currently have.
James: How has teaching English to Portuguese students informed your own language learning process?
Stephanie: I understood my students and their challenges very well. Fortunately my teacher training experience had been based on teaching methods from Cambridge University language learning materials which are steeped with listening, speaking and comprehension skills.
My learning experience with Portuguese showed me that listening to game shows on TV where contestants had to perform tasks as they were ordered to by the host helped greatly. I could hear the commands, watch the actions and repeat them easily after a short period of time. I moved on the soap operas and cartoons.
In six months, I understood practically everything spoken and could reproduce things fluently, although with grammatical errors. I laughed at myself which also helped to lose the shame of sounding silly. Putting embarrassment aside was fundamental.
I employed this sort of consolidation in the classroom among the students. They had fun, took their mistakes lightly and it produced results. I was the most successful teacher at the navy school of communications that year.
Learning the phonetics and sounds of a language by mimicking is key to fluency. All of the structure, grammar and reading/writing skills will come so much easier if you learn to listen/speak/reproduce first.
James: You’ve worked on a number of projects including setting up a language school and running book fairs. What’s next for you?
Stephanie: My school, Exuberantideia Language School, is currently being run by my husband. He retired from his profession in 2018 and assumed the managing position.
I had been teaching and managing the school since 2015 and in 2016 began to build my book fair business simultaneously. As the book fair business began to expand and required me to travel to Spain, I realised that it required my full attention. It fulfilled a side of my personality that I had baffled while working as a teacher. I am a sales person at heart when I believe in the value of what I am selling.
Children’s books are where my heart and soul are happiest. I loved to read as a child and young adult. It was food for my imagination and I cherish every moment spent with children who reveal the same when speaking with me. I have come across some of the most kind, giving, happy and loving children through the book fairs that I set up and run in schools in Portugal and Spain. Children who find joy in reading are empathetic, creative, articulate treasures! Being the “book lady” provides me with smiles, hugs and happy people surrounding me at a job that feels more like a party!
In addition to the school and book business, my husband and I set up a salon for my daughter, Nicole, in Brejos de Azeitão. SWAG hair and nails by Nicole Durães was established in May of 2020 and later in that year, a private consultation/treatment office in CRP Campolide for my son in Andrew, who is a physical therapist at Sporting Clube Portugal also.
Both of my children are successful entrepreneurs as well!
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