Portugal, with its Southern European charm and beautiful people, can be an alluring place for expatriates looking for love. There are obviously a lot of similarities to dating in other countries. However, navigating the dating scene in this country can be more challenging than one might expect, offering a unique blend of traditional values and evolving modern attitudes.
Note: This article doesn’t touch on gay dating, which is the subject of another article.
Dating Apps and Gender Dynamics
While dating apps are popular in Portugal, their use and outcomes vary:
- Foreign women often find success with Portuguese men on apps like Tinder and Bumble. However, many report that it’s harder to find genuinely serious men on these apps.
- Foreign men may struggle more, as Portuguese women tend to be more reserved and shy on these platforms.
- Brazilian women in Portugal are often more open to dating foreigners and meeting people online. There’s less stigma associated with these methods among the Brazilian community.
- There are lots of expats and tourists on dating apps and although you may be curious to date a Portuguese person, you shouldn’t rule out dating another expat.
- The apps used are generally the same as everywhere else (e.g. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc). However, once you start to move away from the mainstream apps like Tinder, you will start to notice a higher ration of non-Portuguese to Portuguese.
It’s worth noting that Portuguese men are usually much more open to dating foreigners than women. If you’re a foreign woman, you’re likely to have plenty of interest from Portuguese men on dating apps. Non-Portuguese men tend to have less luck, as Portuguese women are generally more reserved and shy.
This tongue-in-cheek Reddit comment (now a little dated) explains the dating process in Portugal (for men dating women).
Not to worry, I’ll break it down for you. With my simple guide, you’ll be meeting Portuguese girls in no time at all! The next time you see an attractive Portuguese girl, follow these simple steps:
- Find out who she is, and what friends you have in common with her. If you don’t have any friends in common, game over.
- Ask your mutual friend to introduce you. If your mutual friend is not there, not available or not willing, game over.
- Once you get introduced, make conversation. Be witty, attractive or be both. If you are not either, game over.
- Don’t make a move. If you make a move, probably game over.
- Assuming the conversation is going well, propose that you should meet again. Get her number. If she doesn’t give you her number, try facebook. If that doesn’t work, game over.
- Once you have her number, send her a message at the end of the night saying how nice it was to meet her and that you should get together sometime. If she doesn’t reply in 1-2 days, game over.
- During that week, invent some program for you to be together. Go out for a coffee (tomar um café) is the standard, but you’ll get bonus points for originality. If you’re foreign, saying “show me your city” works wonders here (“oh, I’ve neve been to Jerónimos! But I’d love to go with you if you’d show me around”). If you can’t schedule anything at all during any day of the work week, probably game over.
- Keep sending messages during the week. Facebook works quite well, too. Don’t be pushy, because if you are, game over.
- The weekend is coming! Ok, start steering those messages towards a Friday night date. If the mid week date went well, now is the time to invite her out to dinner!
- If you suceed in taking her out to dinner, things are looking well. During this night you should try to kiss her. I don’t have any specific pointers here, except this: If, after dinner, she proposes to meet with her friends who are at another bar/restaurant do your best to kiss her before this happens (perhaps propose another bar that you’ve been meaning to see), otherwise you’ll never have a chance.
- Propose that you should go to your house. If she says no (very likely), it’s not game over, but you’re not getting laid tonight.
- Repeat steps 7-11 until she agrees to go to your house or invites you to hers. Should take about 2-3 weeks.
Traditional Values and Dating Culture
Despite its modern facade, Portugal remains a country deeply rooted in traditional values, especially when it comes to dating. This traditionalism can present some hurdles for foreign daters:
- Preference for local partners: Many Portuguese tend to marry within their own nationality, even if they’ve dated non-Portuguese in the past.
- Gender differences: Portuguese men are generally more open to dating foreigners than women. However, there are plenty of Portuguese men and women who are tired of dating other Portuguese people and are more willing to try dating someone different.
- Conservative attitudes: The country’s Catholic background still influences dating norms and expectations, although this is dying out.
- Family issues: While many younger Portuguese are open to dating foreigners, their families may wish that they marry a good Portuguese person instead.
Portuguese people, especially women, often prefer to meet potential partners through mutual friends or social circles. This is partly down to shyness and stigma with dating apps (although this stigma is changing).
I think the ‘saudade’ mentality in Portugal means dating is a lot more complex than a lot of foreigners anticipate. Getting a date or starting a relationship is only the first hurdle. In my experience Portuguese people tend to be quite different to other westerners. On the positive side, this means they can be poetic, romantic, and contemplative. On the more negative side, I’ve noticed they can be moody, melancholy, passive aggressive, and non-communicative.
Portugalist reader
Cultural Challenges
Expatriates may face several cultural hurdles when dating in Portugal:
- Income disparities: The difference in disposable income between locals and expats can create tension. Many people assume Portuguese people are being “cheap” by wanting to go on “low-effort dates” like going for a coffee or a beer, but this is not only part of the culture here but also connected to Portugal’s low wages (which are the lowest in Western Europe).
- Commitment concerns: Portuguese may be wary of expats’ long-term plans in the country. Expats come and go all the time, so you will need to work hard to show that you actually plan to stay.
- Language barriers: Learning Portuguese can significantly improve dating prospects. While English is widely spoken in Portugal, understandably, many Portuguese people don’t want to speak in English (or another language) all the time.
- Traditional gender roles: Despite progress in gender equality, traditional roles still influence dating dynamics.
- Reputation concerns: Portugal’s previously conservative culture means many people, especially women, are careful about protecting their reputations.
Regional Differences
Portugal’s dating culture can vary depending on the region:
- Smaller towns vs. cities: Smaller places often maintain more traditional attitudes towards dating and relationships. It is likely to be harder to meet people in a small town or rural location versus in cities like Lisbon and Porto.
- Madeira and Azores: These islands have a more close-knit community feel, where “everyone knows everyone,” which can influence dating dynamics. On the Azores, as the populations are so small, you may end up matching with someone on another island that isn’t easy to get to.
Tips for Success
To improve your chances of finding a Portuguese partner:
- Learn the language and integrate into the culture (you will be given a pass for not speaking Portuguese if you’re new, but less so if you’ve been living here for a few years).
- Meet people through social clubs or mutual friends rather than relying solely on apps.
- Demonstrate your commitment to staying in Portugal long-term.
- Consider dating Portuguese individuals who have lived abroad or plan to do so.
- Be patient and respectful of local customs and dating norms.
In conclusion, dating in Portugal offers a unique experience that blends traditional values with modern attitudes. While it can be challenging for expatriates, understanding and respecting the local culture can lead to meaningful connections. Patience, cultural sensitivity, and a willingness to integrate are key to navigating the Portuguese dating scene successfully. Whether you find love with a local Portuguese partner or connect with fellow expatriates, the experience of dating in Portugal is sure to be an enriching chapter in your international adventure.